Another night. Another 10+ hours spent with her..It would have only been 5 hours but I slept through my alarm and woke up @ 9 or 10 to pop another 1/2 seroquel and try to go back to the dream to reconcile what I could. I was in a basement house/apartment again. Different from the past ones but a basement space nonetheless. It was really just one large room in the basement with 2 twin beds on frames and 2 twin mattress on the floor. Kara was there as was Yanira, and of course Allie. But Jigna was no where in site (Thank God). It began at night. We were all in the single room. The moonlight shown through the single basement window. I remember speaking to Yanira under the covers on the basement floor. She rejected me in one way or another. I can not remember the exactness of what was said. I grabbed her face and began to kiss her at which point I opened my eyes and saw that I was kissing Kara. The kiss became that of one to Kara and her small cabbage patchy mouth. I swear she is so cute sometimes it's like.... Anyway. I pushed Kara off of me at which point she levitated straight to her feet with the sheet around her as if it were a flowing cape. It was more like a vampire than anything else. And then she suddenly disappeared. I looked around and the room was empty and the moonlight had seemed to have turned into the bright summer day only it was winter; there was snow on the ground. I stood just under the open window that contained no glass now and the bars were showing. I stood just below and eavesdropped on a conversation that Allie was having with her perceived best friend but this is no one that I have seen before. I knew she would see me eventually but they were discussing me so I could not help but listen in. As soon as I thought it, Allie caught my eye, but I didn't run. I was nervous but I knew that I had already been caught, so I just locked eyes with her. She looked at me and with a sense of disdain yet playful cheekiness, she said "You little monster." I felt slightly stung but with this complex notion that she knew something to which she was going to guarantee my downfall. She was pregnant (again) and planning her baby shower. She came downstairs and shoved my bible study notebook in my hands and said "Some nice animal drawings you got there."
"What are you talking about Allie?", I said as I tried to rack my brain of any incriminating evidence that might be contained with in it's pages. I could think of nothing. She just smirked and turned out of the room. The entirety of the rest of the dream was spent trying to question others into giving me the whereabouts of Allie even the point of performing sexual favors for information. When I woke up. I had to pee. So I went. And then sat on the edge of bed for about 10 minutes trying to decide whether or not I was going to try to go back. I decided yes. Took a half and waited...and waited...and waited. The thoughts kept racing until 2:41PM. And that was it. It was over. I am having a really hard time letting this go and I am trying to figure out why. And what I can do.
Hurts and Verses and Candles
1 year ago