Monday, April 27, 2009


It... has... been.... forever........ and so much has changed and in so many beautiful ways. Right now.. in this moment, I have so much to look forward to, from a trip to Florida, to planning the launch/birthday party, to Fire Island w/friends... and through all of this I have found myself surprisingly content with the "romantic" status of my life.... which is nothing to speak of, and for once I can say that I am absolutely thrilled. The true and pure focus on me has proved so beneficial it is re-dam-diculous. It all sounds so cliche, but God... it is so true. I was absolutely terrified of being alone... for so long. Perhaps that's why I held on to Allie for so long. Maybe that's why I would consistently seek out those relationships in my life that would force me to continue to focus on others and other's energy...but finally...God finally. I woke up. And the funny thing about it.... it was brought on and out by a flash of anger. Imagine that... I have spent my entire life trying to disable that energy in my life and it was the one energy that I needed to push me through. It's not that I wish to stay in that energy, but the expression of it, as apposed to the suppression of it, moved me through the pity party that was being thrown since my birth. I'm over it and rather that running from, I am running head first into the challenges that I have been trying to avoid for so long. I am telling the universe that I am ready, so bring it. And in turn I am telling my old life that I'm all set. "You served your purpose, and this is nothing but a drain." It got me to my break through. Words alone can not describe what the exact nature of it is so without further adue.. Listen to the whole thing if you truley want to know...but deff SIC..cause this is a war...

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