Protection

Dear You,
I have no idea if you will ever read this. I guess a part of me is hoping and praying that you will; I suppose I wouldn’t have posted this otherwise. The other part is thinking that maybe you really haven't been affected enough to even care. Either way, here goes nothing... Or everything...
You are completely unique in your form to me. I have never had someone affect me from so far away. I have never wanted someone so much from so far away. I have never dreamed of a life in it's completion as much as I have with you. The second I "met" you I felt a spark. a part of me awakened that had not been felt in some time...in all honesty...since my first. There was a heat, a passion and a magic that dimmed as quickly as it began. And that is the regretful part. The portion that I felt instantly. I knew. I had always known. I was privy to information that you may not have been. I knew that I was leaving, I knew that you were. In the very first second I understood that you were not in the same place I was. I was completely aware that your life may never mesh with mine...I was just hopeful....or delusional... I guess. Your statements still ring in my ears. "There is no expiration date." "I know something they don't." Do you really? I had wondered. So did you know this? I woke up this morning and had the residual of you all over me but in the same moment I felt as if it had never happened. You were a dream, a vision...I called in...but never a reality. It was simply a fantasy that I had created...or was it? The bottom line...and in the end...you were too much. I knew that if I saw you, I would fall; and weakness was never you favorite trait. But I am just being honest; and that should prove an admirable quality. I knew that I would ask too much and require much more than I should. So for now the theme is protection. I was protecting myself from you and all of the unknown; and your actions following our conversation proved that I had made the right choice. How quickly I was omitted. I saw how easy it was to pretend as if I never existed and that, in itself, revealed how meaningless our interaction was to you. For that I am hurt but through that I am right. My suspicions confirmed, I have only one thing left to do or say. Thank you. Thank you for allowing me to ponder the realms of a world outside myself. Thank you for showing me that heat could exist outside of the capacities of which I had grown accustomed to. Thank you for being you...in what ever form that was at the time that we crossed paths. Thank you for haunting my dreams and for consuming my thoughts. You were everything I had hoped for and I couldn't have asked for anything more. I wish you all the best in every endeavor you pursue. You have been an amazing section of my life, and while you may not understand or believe it now, your chapter has proved purposeful....but most of all wonderful.
All my love,
Ticina