Wednesday, August 26, 2009

So turn on the light and reveal all the glory
I am not afraid
To bare all my weakness knowing in meekness
I have a kingdom to gain
Where there is peace and love in the light, in the light
Oh I am not afraid
To let Your light shine bright in my life, in my life
Oh I... am.......Jennifer Knapp

I have been trying to digest this book for awhile. Everything in my life is changing and so fast, so I have not been able to update. So very quickly.. I started work again..and I have totally been kicking it! I am learning to love it again. I will be moving in November with a very dear friend (Ms. Diddy) and Kasey :) I have also decided to start the path on becoming a Physicians Assistant. The studying of this profession has brought me into more focus than ever on God's plan for my life and talents. It is right where I want to be as far as difficultly and scholastically I think it is perfect for me. I will always technically be a student to medicine (needing 100 hours every 2 years for recertification) and I will always have a supervising physician, but still be able to practice with my own autonomy. AAANNNDD... I was just invited back again to stage manage and direct another fashion show at the MGM Grand with Flick It Up Studios....This one is on Halloween. So with all of that said. On to this fantastic book...

I have been working though this book slowly but surely. It has blown open my concepts of God and what it is that drives me closer to Christ. I am finding old diary's and writings along this path that have also exposed a whole new world. I have learned to look at my life and myself through the lens of love. I had always viewed it through the paradigm of judgement and anger. I had decided that God hated me (per default mode) and that the purpose of my life was to make God love me through works. I never truly understood the value of grace..of faith and the intensions of my heart. These are the things that God sees. These are the things God loves...and these are the things the God judges(so tp speak)..and best of all, God sees me through the lens of Christ. This is what grace means. A love that can never be broken, nor stopped. The Lord has always protected me, through everything that I have decided to put myself through. And now I see that I was proclaiming faith, but not living it. Everything has changed. I am driven to now be brave. The way I always was is no longer good enough. My request to God was to bring me closer, to drawn me near so that I may understand the mysteries of this life more and more. That I may elevate to a higher level of understanding. As always, God has delivered and in the most unexpected ways. This has taken a form that I never thought possible. Where I can include ALL of myself, and still be ok...still be loved..and still be accpeted. This has taken a very very long time and it is still an ongoing fantastic struggle. Everyday I must remind myself to only listen to the voice of God, those words that build me up in my soul, that verify that I am God's creation alone and if God believes in me, than that changes everything... for there is nothing else that matters. Everything else is trivial. I am to love God with all my heart, soul and mind and to love my neighbor as myself (Matthew 22:37 -39). One of the most interesting things I find about this passage is where Jesus says "The second (command) is like it." Meaning the second, is like the first where the basis of it is full complete unconditional love. Love is what has brought me to this book and this point. I suggest it as a definite read for all those struggling with faith and orientation. It brings peace and will bring you into a closer intimacy with God if you seek it.

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