The Nicest Thing

All I know is that you're so nice,
You're the nicest thing I've seen.
I wish that we could give it a go,
See if we could be something.

I wish I was your favorite girl,
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world.
I wish my smile was your favorite kind of smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style.

I wish you couldn't figure me out,
But you always wanted know what I was about.
I wish you'd hold my hand when I was upset,
I wish you'd never forget the look on my face when we first met.

I wish you had a favorite beauty spot that you loved secretly,
'Cos it was on a hidden bit that nobody else could see.
Basically, I wish that you loved me,
I wish that you needed me,
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars, actually I meant three.

I wish that without me your heart would break,
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake.
I wish that without me you couldn't eat,
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep.

Look all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen.
And I wish that we could see if we could be something.
Yea I wish that we could see if we could be something.

Los Campesinos! - We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed

Lyrics:

By the light of the LED display of the VCR recorder
You kiss my neck, I whisper in your ear:
"This is my downfall"
As you squint and you grimace
We both know your heart's not in it

In the glow of a thousand fireflies
In a travelodge en-suite
They think the future's bright as halogen
We know it's pretty bleak
And I'm trying to be sexy
Biting at the air that falls in front of me.

The telegrams are more and more less detailed by the day
And all the characters are strangers
And the pubs have different names
I tell a joke, I'd like to meet them
But they'll loathe me and I'd hate them back

Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Fondness makes the absence longer
Length loses my interest
I'm a realist, I'm insatiable
So, ten days until I fly
But that was before your reply

You said, "He got his teeth fixed"
I'm gonna break them
I've got a heart on fire
You said, "He's got his sights set"
I'm getting to ya
I've got fists on fire

And you feel terrified at the thought of being left behind
Of losing everybody, the necessity of dying
Oh, we kid ourselves, there's future in the fucking
But there is no fucking future
I'm just practising my accents,
Picking at old sutures

I taught myself the only way to vaguely get along in love
Is to like the other slightly less than you get in return
I keep feeling like I'm being under-cut

Charlotte says it's more constructive than the one in Canada
When you got drunk, ate loads of crisps
And threw up by a football pitch
I know it is, and really that's what worries me
I feel like I should hurt

You said, "He's got his teeth fixed"
I'm gonna break them
I've got a heart on fire
He said he's got his sights set
I'm getting to ya
I've got fists on fire

I cannot emphasise enough that my body is a
Badly designed, poorly put together vessel
Harbouring these diminishing, so-called vital organs
Hope my heart goes first, I HOPE MY HEART GOES FIRST!

Moment

As a child, there was nothing more comforting to me than waking up to the smell of sulfur and cigarettes at 3 am. It meant I was safe and sound in my mother's bed. I can remember the scent pulling me out of whatever dream state I was in to reveal a cluttered room aglow from the green alarm clock. In the subtle light, I could make out the stacks of clothing, papers and books that had been there for years. The pile of "who knows what" that lay on the floor next to me that our jack Russell mix Mrs. Beasley had made a nest out of. Her dresser was filled with old jewelry, pictures, perfumes and lotions that were always way past the date of use, all of which my mother would save "just in case." As I lay with my back to her,I would watch the shadows of her body dance along the wall. She struck a match, inhaled deep and a bright glow would illuminate the room with each drag. I would never let her know I was awake; ever. It's not as if she would have been upset, or even minded; but there was something so beautiful in that moment, predictable, safe; that I could not allow my need to be heard overshadow the need to just be...well... Content. She would take a couple more pulls; each one filled the room with a bright orange glow if only for a moment and I watched as the smoke distorted the shadow puppets of her movement on the wall. I would hear the sizzle of the butt against the ashtray and the moment would be over. She would clear her throat, snuggle back into the covers and fall fast asleep. I would lay there for what seemed like an eternity wondering if this is how she thought it would be. Is this is at all who she saw herself as? These were the only times in my life when I can truly say that I loved her, understood her, and wished for her beyond anything else in my life... and the saddest part...is that she never even knew these moments existed for me. I guess that's the funny thing about ones reality.. it's all relative.

Update

It... has... been.... forever........ and so much has changed and in so many beautiful ways. Right now.. in this moment, I have so much to look forward to, from a trip to Florida, to planning the launch/birthday party, to Fire Island w/friends... and through all of this I have found myself surprisingly content with the "romantic" status of my life.... which is nothing to speak of, and for once I can say that I am absolutely thrilled. The true and pure focus on me has proved so beneficial it is re-dam-diculous. It all sounds so cliche, but God... it is so true. I was absolutely terrified of being alone... for so long. Perhaps that's why I held on to Allie for so long. Maybe that's why I would consistently seek out those relationships in my life that would force me to continue to focus on others and other's energy...but finally...God finally. I woke up. And the funny thing about it.... it was brought on and out by a flash of anger. Imagine that... I have spent my entire life trying to disable that energy in my life and it was the one energy that I needed to push me through. It's not that I wish to stay in that energy, but the expression of it, as apposed to the suppression of it, moved me through the pity party that was being thrown since my birth. I'm over it and rather that running from, I am running head first into the challenges that I have been trying to avoid for so long. I am telling the universe that I am ready, so bring it. And in turn I am telling my old life that I'm all set. "You served your purpose, and this is nothing but a drain." It got me to my break through. Words alone can not describe what the exact nature of it is so without further adue.. Listen to the whole thing if you truley want to know...but deff SIC..cause this is a war...

Closure

The past 3 days have been spent in prayer, laughter and tears. How strange it is to recall a life. I can't imagine how she feels. I can only hope that I helped. Today is the last day. There was a suspense in leading up to this moment. After today, a whole new process can begin. I can only hope that by me being there, I have eased her pain some. I know that her unwavering faith in this time has been more than an inspiration to me.

Protection

Dear You,
I have no idea if you will ever read this. I guess a part of me is hoping and praying that you will; I suppose I wouldn’t have posted this otherwise. The other part is thinking that maybe you really haven't been affected enough to even care. Either way, here goes nothing... Or everything...
You are completely unique in your form to me. I have never had someone affect me from so far away. I have never wanted someone so much from so far away. I have never dreamed of a life in it's completion as much as I have with you. The second I "met" you I felt a spark. a part of me awakened that had not been felt in some time...in all honesty...since my first. There was a heat, a passion and a magic that dimmed as quickly as it began. And that is the regretful part. The portion that I felt instantly. I knew. I had always known. I was privy to information that you may not have been. I knew that I was leaving, I knew that you were. In the very first second I understood that you were not in the same place I was. I was completely aware that your life may never mesh with mine...I was just hopeful....or delusional... I guess. Your statements still ring in my ears. "There is no expiration date." "I know something they don't." Do you really? I had wondered. So did you know this? I woke up this morning and had the residual of you all over me but in the same moment I felt as if it had never happened. You were a dream, a vision...I called in...but never a reality. It was simply a fantasy that I had created...or was it? The bottom line...and in the end...you were too much. I knew that if I saw you, I would fall; and weakness was never you favorite trait. But I am just being honest; and that should prove an admirable quality. I knew that I would ask too much and require much more than I should. So for now the theme is protection. I was protecting myself from you and all of the unknown; and your actions following our conversation proved that I had made the right choice. How quickly I was omitted. I saw how easy it was to pretend as if I never existed and that, in itself, revealed how meaningless our interaction was to you. For that I am hurt but through that I am right. My suspicions confirmed, I have only one thing left to do or say. Thank you. Thank you for allowing me to ponder the realms of a world outside myself. Thank you for showing me that heat could exist outside of the capacities of which I had grown accustomed to. Thank you for being you...in what ever form that was at the time that we crossed paths. Thank you for haunting my dreams and for consuming my thoughts. You were everything I had hoped for and I couldn't have asked for anything more. I wish you all the best in every endeavor you pursue. You have been an amazing section of my life, and while you may not understand or believe it now, your chapter has proved purposeful....but most of all wonderful.
All my love,
Ticina

Just did this and it creeped me out...Seriously

1. Put your music library on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write that song title as the answer to the question, no matter how stupid it sounds (Most of the time they seem to make you feel uncomfortable, strangely enough.)
4. Don't pussy up just because Nick Cave or Patti Smith aren't coming up, or your secret Journey stash is showing. Just play fair.


1) IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OK?" YOU SAY?
Dreamer - UHH

2) WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Almost to the water - Bitch

3) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
You’ll see – Rent????


4) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Must Be Dreaming – Frou Frou


5) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Relief Next To me – T&S
Creeptastic….

6) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Not a Pretty Girl – Ani Difranco
Ok This is getting fuckin weird.

7) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
The Con (Live) – T&S
Ok Seriously….


8) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Talk to me now – Ani Difranco

9) WHAT IS 2+2?
Gratitude – India Arie
This is my favorite.

10) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
This Aint a Scene, it’s an Arms Race (Kanye West Remix)

11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Moonlight Sonata – Beethoven
Again super creepy…

12) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
This Journey Is My Own – Sara Groves
Wow

13) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Pale Purple – Ani


14) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
As Is - Ani

15) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Read My Mind – The Killers

16) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Halloween – Abby Ahmad

17) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
U Know – Boyz II Men
Hahahahahahaha…..
18) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Like O, Like H – T&S
No comment.

19) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Tell The Truth – Otis Redding

20) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF STUPID FACEBOOK CHAINLETTER NOTES?
Finale A - Rent